I've considered kicking a pigeon to relieve anger for the following 10 reasons that are related and unrelated to pigeons:
1) A car hit me while I was getting dumped over the phone on my walk home from Happy Hour. Kick that bird.
2) The startup company I work for has a mouse problem and I accidentally stepped in the sticky trap while wearing new boots. Go ahead - kick it! (Just be careful because mouse trap glue is still stuck to your boot and you don't want the pigeon to get stuck to the bottom of your shoe).
3) Accidental shart made me miss my Saturday morning gym class. #downapairoflulu's. Kick that bird.
4) I need to sell a great chair because it takes up too much space in my tiny apartment - can't sell great chair cause it takes up too much space in potential buyer's tiny apartment. Put that bird through the field goal.
5) Tripped over pigeon. Die dirty pigeon!
6) Duck down because ... low flying pigeon comin' at me. Get a bebe gun. Forget the kick.
7) I'm forced to cross street and go out of my way to avoid mass amount of pigeons chilling on the telephone pole wire on the northwest corner of 52nd and 8th. Pigeon shit everywhere. Get 'em.
8) I've been startled by multicolored overweight pigeon. #freightningasfuck. Kick that bird, I say!!
9) Mint.com email alert: "you have gone over your shopping budget for the month." Fuck you mint.com. My closet gets better by the minute. Kick that bird.
10) Guy I was dating claimed to be PHENOMINAL chef, wanted to cook me dinner. When I asked what I can bring - he selfishly suggested Levain cookies. When I show up with said cookies - no dinner was made. He thought it would be cute to cook TOGETHER. Um no, you MASSIVE MORON!! Mama wanted to walk into your candlelit apartment smelling of delicious, full-on cow sitting center of table with a nice salad on the side, AND FEED! He orders Seamless - forgets to hit "submit order." We end up sharing Levain cookies for dinner. Chuck the bird at his face.
1) A car hit me while I was getting dumped over the phone on my walk home from Happy Hour. Kick that bird.
2) The startup company I work for has a mouse problem and I accidentally stepped in the sticky trap while wearing new boots. Go ahead - kick it! (Just be careful because mouse trap glue is still stuck to your boot and you don't want the pigeon to get stuck to the bottom of your shoe).
3) Accidental shart made me miss my Saturday morning gym class. #downapairoflulu's. Kick that bird.
4) I need to sell a great chair because it takes up too much space in my tiny apartment - can't sell great chair cause it takes up too much space in potential buyer's tiny apartment. Put that bird through the field goal.
5) Tripped over pigeon. Die dirty pigeon!
6) Duck down because ... low flying pigeon comin' at me. Get a bebe gun. Forget the kick.
7) I'm forced to cross street and go out of my way to avoid mass amount of pigeons chilling on the telephone pole wire on the northwest corner of 52nd and 8th. Pigeon shit everywhere. Get 'em.
8) I've been startled by multicolored overweight pigeon. #freightningasfuck. Kick that bird, I say!!
9) Mint.com email alert: "you have gone over your shopping budget for the month." Fuck you mint.com. My closet gets better by the minute. Kick that bird.
10) Guy I was dating claimed to be PHENOMINAL chef, wanted to cook me dinner. When I asked what I can bring - he selfishly suggested Levain cookies. When I show up with said cookies - no dinner was made. He thought it would be cute to cook TOGETHER. Um no, you MASSIVE MORON!! Mama wanted to walk into your candlelit apartment smelling of delicious, full-on cow sitting center of table with a nice salad on the side, AND FEED! He orders Seamless - forgets to hit "submit order." We end up sharing Levain cookies for dinner. Chuck the bird at his face.
*No pigeons were harmed or injured for this story but I can't promise that won't change.