In anticipation of the warm-ish weather approaching New York City, my great friend Anita & I headed out for some exercise in the brisk Spring-ish air this past Saturday. After an eventful 5 mile walk down the Westside Highway we rewarded ourselves with mass amounts of food and bar hopped until the wee hours of the night. As we made our way from one bar to the next, we passed many Tapas restaurants and I explained to my Dear Anita how much I despise Tapas.
Below is a list of reasons Why I Hate Tapas in one, long run-on sentence:
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- TAPAS are Small Plates - so as expected the
- Food is Small and
- Each Plate Comes with an Uneven Amount of Small Pieces of something flaky, fishy or slightly resembling a slider but not really - so naturally, it would make sense to
- Order Many Small Plates and
- Share the Food with your five to seven person table and since
- Each Plate is Overpriced and the waiter knows it, he is going to suggest one of everything on the right side of the menu because he will bank and understands that no matter how much you order, there's
- Never Enough to Fill You Up so you are always
- Still Hungry and if you're like me, you'll announce it, but
- Everyone Else Always Lies and Says They're Full, especially the
- Self Proclaimed Foodie Whom Suggested the Restaurant (usually a friend of a friend) and is likely the most hungry of them all by the looks of his/her cheekbones and over sized glasses to compensate for undersized everything else, not to mention there always seems to be
- One Piece of Food the Size of A Fingernail Left on Each Plate that NO ONE EVER TAKES - (but I take it, I'm that person) and even after eating the fingernail, hunger pangs turn in your stomach so on the way home you plan to grab a slice of pizza because it's all you can afford after you just dropped $60 on four pieces of flaky food and the alcohol you had to drink to forget about how angry the tapas were making you.
As luck would have it, Anita & I happened to trot past a t-shirt printing store in the midst of my explanation - good thing I wore my beanie out that night. We had the store owner print "Fuck Tapas" on my hat. I felt relieved.